DO NOT bottle up your feelings, people! (Wazne! Tlumaczenie na polski juz wkrotce!)

One could think that after 18 months of recovery and talking to very wise people I should know something about feelings and how to deal with them.

The fact is that I have heard most of the wise stuff several times already. The point is that not everything makes it all the way to my perception. Not at once anyway.

So today I was ENLIGHTED by my therapist, again. She reminded me, that all the FEELINGS which our psyche can produce are there for a reason!!!

So we should give them some space, let them do the CLEANING process of our inner selves.

They are maybe trying to tell us something important!

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Without going in into too many details I would like to confess that there are several feelings which I thought were… inappropriate? Immature? Selfish? So I did not give them any space within me. I was pressing them down, pretending they would not exist. Feeling guilty if they ever shown their ugly faces to me. I was bottling them up.

Obviously feelings don’t age as well as wine; they poison us from inside if we do not let them out. If we don’t release the pressure.

Just simply by OBSERVING the feeling, like: ‘Dear, I am so damn angry now, because he/she did something. And I find it so unfair. I have right to feel upset!’ we can save ourselves from so much frustration.

It is not the same as FOLLOWING each feeling or letting it influence our behavior, though.

It is simply being CONSCIOUS and KIND to ourselves when the INSIDE is stormy.

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Let me put it this way: You ARE worth it! And you are definitely BORN with it!

Love to All.

What do they say? The name PRESENT moment is not a coincidence. See NOW as a gift.

It was only recently when I understood this idea. That it is only in the NOW where I can shape my future, and also my past. Each past moment was a NOW once. If I did not take CARE of it, it probably became a past I regret.

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When you go towards a burnout, NO, when you RUSH straight into a burnout TIME is your biggest enemy. It was, and still is so for me.

For a very long time I had to optimize every action I took. I had to plan life with details to squeeze in as much useful stuff in each minute. I lived with the feeling that I am always late. Time was an ugly monster trying to catch me, trap me, ruin everything, and it was NEVER there for me.

And the feeling of failure when lists of tasks were not completed, when busses were missed and schedules fell apart…. It was burning down my inside into ashes...

The idea of seeing my TIME on this Planet as a gift, as something I should carefully choose how I use was so unfamiliar to me.

I guess I was always prepared to FIGTH for or back at something; I never had a RECEIVING attitude. And not only in the question of time...

It really can wear one down.

And it did. It was very difficult for me to accept that my recovery WILL TAKE TIME, and it is nothing I can or should RUSH with.

Nowadays I can still fall into this ‘there is not enough time’ spiral, just as I did yesterday (which you can read about in my post ‘I am my own worst enemy. A story of failure.’). The difference is that now I REACT in a new way. I SAVE myself from my activity lists, and action plans.

I CRUSH the picture of what I thought would happen next. I sit down and look at the PRESENT moment and I start inventing it with awareness. Moment by moment. With no expectations or pressure.

Ready to receive a gift.

Love to All.