2 pears
1 kiwi
Generous handfull Alfa-alfa sprouts
1tbl spoon unsalted almond butter
Hemp protein
Cinamon

And two teenagers around the table with me.

Quite OK breakfast combination :)

Sunny Saturday and Love to All.

Good things that already happened today:

I had my green juice, which was actually red because I still cannot resist those eco-beetroots!

I had enough mental peace (and that was early morning!) to let my 5-years-old “help” me to juice. Also we had a minute or two to play together and take a slow walk to the day care.

I had enough awareness with me to see a funny thing and take a picture of it (scroll down for result ;)

I managed to keep my heart beat SLOWLY all the way back home, which is seldom the case when I have things planned for the rest of the day.

I chose writing this post instead of washing my hair. That actually might have been a bad decision but I will have to live with or wear one of those:  

And now why do I think all those things happened and gave me a beautiful, mindful morning?

I see two reasons for that:

1. It is a lovely, bright and sunny day and birds are singing like crazy.
2. I took 10 minutes of my morning to MEDITATE. To start the day with SLOWING DOWN my thoughts rather than RUSHING them UP. To consciously choose my thoughts and mentally paint a picture of this day for myself.

This is something a stressed brain needs. Maybe even several times a day. To anchor my thoughts, to remind myself about conscious breathing. To focus of small GOOD things. Because nothing of that came naturally to me when I was stressed out. When my body was a machine to produce result, accomplish things. Because without them I thought I meant nothing.

I thought... If I thought that stuff was TRUE, maybe I can start THINKING and PRODUCING different kinds of thoughts and TRUTHS that are more beneficial and kind to me? I believe so. Now I do. One year ago I didn’t even know one could resonate this way.

And suddenly there was this new door, a new opportunity right in front of me:

Would you dare to pull the handle? Or at least stretch your hand and knock carefully?

Love and Sun to All.

Today I got reminded, again, how fragile my new constitution is. It has happened before so I should be trained in being flushed down the toilette. And I am somehow.

There were days when I seriously believed that I failed in recovering, just as I failed in everything else.

Today I know that this is how recovery looks like. One step forward, two steps back. Sometimes three or four, and a flush down the drain. For a while.

One therapy hour can use all the fuel I had saved for the entire day. This afternoon I closed the door behind me and I prayed quietly for someone to lead me home. I guess I prayed too quietly. But I came home...

Because today I am a Zebra. I do my race for life and then I rest, I charge my batteries. I let the healing process take its time. And the rest has to wait.

I am now also very aware of the thoughts I choose to believe in. Because they are the roots of my feelings. And I refuse to feel like crap anymore so I CHOOSE not to.

Do you THINK you can BELIEVE that?   

 Love to All.

Honestly, isn’t it kind of ugly to put yourself first? Before others?

As I see it now, putting anyone and anything else before you works only short term.

In order to create a sustainable life strategy for yourself you need to take care of YOU. And when you do it properly you can be a bottomless dwell of kindness and help for others.

When you fly next time try to listen to the security instructions carefully. What do they say about the oxygen masks? Put YOUR OWN on first so that you can assist anyone else around you. Even if it is your child! I thought it was a terrible, heartless idea at first. And then things happened in life and I had to revisit my own idea of right and wrong. In parenting. Working. Living (a harmonious!?!?) life.

Our children don’t need hero-parents. They need healthy examples of how they should take care of themselves.

I have always been a terrible example of just that. Until recently. I gave up bad conscious when I go and do YOGA one evening a week. Or when I stay home all alone a whole weekend and retreat within, REST, listen to silence. Every day I train myself in self-love. And self-respect. Because you have to respect yourself enough to see that you deserve attention from that kind person you are to others. But seldom your own self! Not true?

I like to think: When I say NO to one thing it gives me a chance to say YES to something else later on. One small NO now and then can be an investment into a bigger YES in the future. Isn’t that an excellent way to save yourself a lot of bitter thoughts of selfishness?

I think so. And it works LONG TERM!

We like long term. We like strategies that last. Even more, strategies that ADD to the quality of our life.

As I said, it was not always this way for me. I was nowhere near these notions of self-care until that other strategy actually left me “thorn and bleeding on the floor”.

Only recently, and with significant help from other people, I realized that I am worthy of wearing a sweetest sign of love. A heart.

I felt I was too huge and clumsy, and serious, respectable (!)… piece of iceberg to wear it.

But look now:

Nothing becomes a universal truth only because someone or something made you believe in it long enough. Think about it.

Love to All.

I am on day 15 of my clean program. So, what do I wake up to on the third week of detoxification?

A beetroot juice craving!!! I was seriously longing for it. SO I got myself one!!

Maybe it is true that WE not only ARE WHAT WE EAT but we also EAT WHAT WE ARE.

To all other juicers out there: do you ever peel your lemons before juicing? If so, please STOP! At least try to drop a small piece of lemon skin (well brushed!) into your juicer. It will bring your juice to a whole new level! Like what a dash of lemon zest does to your vinaigrette!

Try it! Seriously! Do it J

Another piece of advice from me, if you suffer from Keratosis Pilaris, this skin condition which looks a lot like permanent goose bumps. Ditch all the milk for at least 7 days!!!

I started noticing difference on my skin after about that much time. Again, I gave up the entire dairy from my diet. But the results are awesome! Life changing!!!

So long!

Love to All.

These are the supplements I use during the detox (14th day today!):

*Spirulina/blue-green algae/niebiesko-zielone algi in tablets, I tried it once pulverized. Yes, it was ONLY ONCE! Hopefully never again ;)

*Dandelion root/maskrosrot/korzen mlecza to support lever.

*Garlic capsules/vitlökskapslar/czosnek w kapsulkach to eliminate (bad) bacterias from the intestines. Can be replaced with one clove of fresh garlic every day but I would not stand the smell.

I also use hemp protein/hampaprotein/bialko z konopii in my smoothies.

Help!!! My spirulina is watching me!

It is Waffle’s Day in Sweden today!

Wait a minute: no dairy, no wheat, no eggs, no sugar, not much left of a waffle for me. Just the frozen berries which I had in my morning smoothie! Cheers!

Love to All.

...to save myself today. And I did to some extent manage to DO less, to pause more and to say NO.

It is not always easy. My husband asked me during our after lunch tea break: "Are you sure it is only the burn out you are suffering from?" ;)

It may seam hilarious, but is it? 18 months and still so much left to do, or UNDO. Undo the evil I have done to myself, to my pure little defence system.

***

Big girls don't cry. Bite me!

Even stones surrender under too much pressure.

Reminds me of one of my favourite lyrics ever: "...under pressure we're cracking." Queen.

A Spotify link should follow this post. Let's see if it works :)

Every day can teach us something. Today I’ve learned that when I recover from a burn out and when I detox I should not roast chicken, fry pancakes, work in the garden and carry around heavy stones on our own private construction site all at one day.

I’ve been there before, I mean. I should have understood the signals. Irritation, lack of patience for a muddy (yes, covered with mud!) 5-year-old. Lack of joy. Smiling muscles in the off-line mode.

Even now, I should drop everything and go to bed but I sit here and try to write a few sensible words. Because that was my PLAN.

And in order to change plans one has to be a bit FLEXIBLE, not to mention being open for a different outcome.

Also, there must be an ALTERNATIVE, and an exhausted mind is never particularly creative, at least not mine. So I just continue. With the power of my WILL and HABIT.

In other words my recovery day has become my “let’s finish her off” day.

So is there a bright side to a major failure?

OF COURSE there is!

Today was a wakeup call, a reminder of the vulnerable side of me.

Tomorrow I can try again. If I will be blessed with another day I can choose differently. I can choose ME. I can proudly say NO to things. Even “very important matters”. I can lift my head high and say: “Sorry, today is a Kasia-day.”

Will I? Will I????

***

Good night you good guys. Take good care of yourself  <3