Last week's 'post yoga' text made me think of 'don't update your facebook status when drunk'.
Yoga has almost the same effect, only much less poisonuous.
Healing rather.
It puts all the pieces together and alignes body and mind to serve you.
There is so little space in life to put the whole attention on restoring yourself. Being with yourself.
Yoga mat is an invitation to one on one meeting behind closed eyelids...

Love to All.

These are the supplements I use during the detox (14th day today!):

*Spirulina/blue-green algae/niebiesko-zielone algi in tablets, I tried it once pulverized. Yes, it was ONLY ONCE! Hopefully never again ;)

*Dandelion root/maskrosrot/korzen mlecza to support lever.

*Garlic capsules/vitlökskapslar/czosnek w kapsulkach to eliminate (bad) bacterias from the intestines. Can be replaced with one clove of fresh garlic every day but I would not stand the smell.

I also use hemp protein/hampaprotein/bialko z konopii in my smoothies.

Help!!! My spirulina is watching me!

It is Waffle’s Day in Sweden today!

Wait a minute: no dairy, no wheat, no eggs, no sugar, not much left of a waffle for me. Just the frozen berries which I had in my morning smoothie! Cheers!

Love to All.

Together with my Boy’s growing building interest we have gradually become a LEGO family. Somewhere around Christmas we lost a dining room’s table due to LEGO expansion.

I am trying to participate, because moms can too!!! I introduce house on a tree/garden/grill/casual “human” activities but I am BORED TO DEATH after a while because it always ends with cars/castles/boats/missiles etc.

So finally I came up with a fantastic idea how NOT to be bored while building LEGO with my Son.

I claimed half of the dining room’s table and I made it to my jigsaw puzzle station.

Problem solved! Sometimes we sit together in total silence SEVERAL MINUTES and just enjoy our separate activities together.

***

Why is puzzling beneficial for people like me? Stressed weirdos, that is.

When I start a 1000-1500 pieces work there is no meaning or use in trying to proceed as fast as possible. It must take its time. I learn to observe each piece at a time; I learn how to patiently just familiarize myself with the motive.

When I work there is enough space for me to observe my physical reactions. My pulse rising, my eyeballs chasing several details simultaneously. The more I struggle the poorer results. So I lean back, breathe and redirect myself back to the slow motion.

I train my muscle of SINGLEPOINTED ATTENTION. It is almost like meditation.

If you ever have a chance to put your hands on one of Jan van Haasteren’s works, do not hesitate. They are lovely, very detailed and funny pictures. No matter what motive it is, you can always find a shark’s fin or a Santa hidden somewhere, or a toothbrush. I fell in love with them anyway. It is nothing like fluffy kittens, waterfalls or even Eiffel tower against a completely blue sky ;)

Love to All.

Btw, according to my husband’s definition LEGO is a three dimensional puzzle with your own motive. Clever!   

Är det någon som undrar varför jag valt att skriva denna blogg på engelska? För jag lever i språkens gråzon. Jag pratar svenska till vardags. Jag uttrycker de starkaste känslorna på mitt modersmål, polska men ändå så valde jag att blogga om seriösa ämnen just på engelska.

Mitt hjärta blöder när jag hör nya polska uttryck som jag inte hade chansen att lära mig, eller när jag förklarar saker för min femåring, försöker lära ut hans förfäders språk, och jag fastnar. Jag letar efter ord men de dyker upp först efter en timme, oftast lite för sent.

Om jag bloggade på svenska så skulle inga av mina närmaste polacker kunna förstå vad jag skriver.

Jag känner inte mig helt bekväm i någon av dessa språk i dagsläget men jag var tvungen att välja något.

Det här speglar ganska väl de flesta av mina vardagsdilemman just nu. Till den grad att det nästan inte blivit någon blogg.

Till sist valde jag att fokusera på enbart två frågor:

1. “var finns folk som kan ha nytta av det jag skriver?”
2. “vad är det gemensamma språket för dem som redan känner mig men kanske inte riktigt vet vad jag varit med om på sistone?”.

Då blev beslutet genast mycket lättare.

En sak till: Om ni någonsin tänkt kommentera men vet inte vilket språk att välja, snälla skriv på det språket som är bekvämast för er, bara jag förstår   

Vore skönt att förstå om det är någon som läser. Jag är nybörjare i bloggvärlden så jag vet inte hur allt fungerar än.

Till sist: Nu uppgraderar jag till ett lättare namn ZebraZone!

Det är en egen historia, och den finns faktiskt i mina tidigare, svenska inlägg (från 4:e juni, Ränderna går aldrig ur.)

Puss.

Dlaczeo pisze tego bloga po angielsku? Bo jestem wygnancem slowa. Na codzien uzywam obcego mi szwedzkiego. Najsilniejsze emocje wyrazam w moim ojczystym polskim, a bloga w tak powaznym temacie pisze po angielsku.

Serce mi krwawi, kiedy slysze nowe polskie wyrazenia, ktorych nie dane mi bylo sie nauczyc, lub kiedy probuje nauczyc mojego Pieciolatka jezyka jego przodkow, tlumacze cos i sie zacinam, szukam slowa a ono pojawiaja sie juz po fakcie.

Bloga po szwedzku nie zrozumieliby bliscy mi Polacy.

Zadnego z tych jezykow nie opanowalam do perfekcji, ale trzeba bylo podjac decyzje.

Jest to idealny przyklad wielu moich terazniejszych dylematow. Do tego stopnia, ze ten blog prawie nie powstal. Wiec zadalam sobie tylko dwa pytania:

1. “gdzie sa ludzie, ktorzy mogliby miec pozytek z tego, co pisze?”
2. “jaki jest wspolny jezyk ludzi mi bliskich, ktorzy byc moze nie slyszeli jeszcze o moich ostatnich ‘przygodach’?”

Wtedy juz decyzja nie byla taka trudna.

Dla tych, ktorzy nie mowia po szwedzku:

“Dela” znaczy “Podziel sie”

“Gilla” znaczy “Polub”

a “Skicka kommentar” znaczy ”Wyslij komentarz”

ktory bylby dla mnie bardzo cenny. (“Säkerhetskod” to te 4 literki, ktore trzeba tylko przepisac w polu obok.) Abym wiedziala, ze ktos tam sie czai w eterze, moze nawet czyta. Ja nie mam w tej masci zadnego doswiadczenia, wiec objasniam to, czego sama jeszcze sie zbyt dobrze nie nauczylam ;)

Piszcie w jezyku dla Was najswobodniejszym, i chetnie jednym z wyzej wymienionych, innych nie rozumiem   

Na zakonczenie, moja nowa, latwiejsza do wymowienia nazwa to ZebraZone!

To osobna historia, ktora sie tutaj niebawem pojawi.

Serdecznosci.

Some can wonder why I chose to write this blog in English. I am a language orphan. I use Swedish daily. I express the strongest feelings in my mother tongue Polish and yet, I decided to blog on such a serious subject in English.

My heart bleeds when I hear new expressions in Polish which I simply had no chance to learn, or when I try to explain something to my 5-years-old and teach him the language of his ancestors and I get stuck. I search for words and they pop up an hour after I needed them.
If I used Swedish my relatives and friends in Poland would not understand what I write.
None of these languages I master to perfection but still a choice had to be made.

It is such a perfect reflection of many dilemmas in my life. To such extent that I was almost NOT doing this at all!
So in the end I focused on these two questions:

1. “where are the people who could benefit from what I share here?”
2. “which is the common language of most of my friends who already know me, but still maybe never had a chance to hear about my recent ‘adventures’?”.

After that the decision was easy.

For those of you who do not speak Swedish:

“Dela” means “Share”

“Gilla” means “Like”

and “Skicka kommentar” means ”Post a comment”

which you are most welcome to write. (“Säkerhetskod” is a 4 letters security code which you simply retype in the box next to it.) So that I know that there is anybody out there. If there is… I’m not a routine blogger so all this is new to me.

Please use the language which you feel most comfortable with. And which I understand, preferably   

Last but not least, I came up with a new, easier name ZebraZone!

That is a separate story… and it will come soon.

Love to All.

...to save myself today. And I did to some extent manage to DO less, to pause more and to say NO.

It is not always easy. My husband asked me during our after lunch tea break: "Are you sure it is only the burn out you are suffering from?" ;)

It may seam hilarious, but is it? 18 months and still so much left to do, or UNDO. Undo the evil I have done to myself, to my pure little defence system.

***

Big girls don't cry. Bite me!

Even stones surrender under too much pressure.

Reminds me of one of my favourite lyrics ever: "...under pressure we're cracking." Queen.

A Spotify link should follow this post. Let's see if it works :)

Every day can teach us something. Today I’ve learned that when I recover from a burn out and when I detox I should not roast chicken, fry pancakes, work in the garden and carry around heavy stones on our own private construction site all at one day.

I’ve been there before, I mean. I should have understood the signals. Irritation, lack of patience for a muddy (yes, covered with mud!) 5-year-old. Lack of joy. Smiling muscles in the off-line mode.

Even now, I should drop everything and go to bed but I sit here and try to write a few sensible words. Because that was my PLAN.

And in order to change plans one has to be a bit FLEXIBLE, not to mention being open for a different outcome.

Also, there must be an ALTERNATIVE, and an exhausted mind is never particularly creative, at least not mine. So I just continue. With the power of my WILL and HABIT.

In other words my recovery day has become my “let’s finish her off” day.

So is there a bright side to a major failure?

OF COURSE there is!

Today was a wakeup call, a reminder of the vulnerable side of me.

Tomorrow I can try again. If I will be blessed with another day I can choose differently. I can choose ME. I can proudly say NO to things. Even “very important matters”. I can lift my head high and say: “Sorry, today is a Kasia-day.”

Will I? Will I????

***

Good night you good guys. Take good care of yourself  <3